Reunification....finally!

After 507 days in foster care, little bit finally got to go home...along with big brother and little sister!  What a bittersweet day!  He didn’t completely understand that this was much more than his regular visit, but I explained that the transporter wasn’t bringing him back this time.  Wow! That was hard to say.  He happily told us all goodbye, and they drove away as we all cried together.  Little bit has been our baby for fourteen months!  He’s been with us since he was 19 months old.  He’s been stuck to me like glue, and now the house is silent.  I can do anything I want, but the quiet just makes me upset! 

The first two days were very difficult, but we are better now.  We FaceTimed with mom who already had Big Brother and Little Sister! It was the first time we’d talked to them in 2 months!!  It was very calming to finally be able to see him, and it was so nice to y’all to mom and dad again after having signed a paper saying we could have no contact while little bit was in our care!  

Not Justice!

Quote of the day yesterday: 

"I thought you could only have one worst day of your life." ~Bio Mom

It was not a good day.  She decided not to send the kids to school knowing that CPS was probably coming to pick them up.  She snuggled and played with them until they showed up around lunchtime.  She called me in tears to say, "They are here!  I don't know what to say to Big Brother.  Can you please talk to him?  I told him I am going to school to take some classes and get smarter!"

Big Brother facetimed me immediately and was so excited to tell me that mommy was going to school.  He was so excited for her and not worried at all as to why his case worker and someone else were there!  I told him I was so excited for mommy to go to school and that Ms. V would be taking him to one of her friends' houses to stay for a little while.  He just said ok and hung up.  Obviously he did not understand what was happening, but we didn't know what else to say without really scaring him.

I still have Little Bit because they were unable to find a home willing to take all three children.  He will stay with me until they do find a home for all three or they return to their mom. I am so glad he did not have to go to a different home yesterday, but I am devastated about the other two being taken.  I have a few more smaller panic attacks yesterday when I thought about what was happening!  I am so concerned about Big Brother being scared in yet another new place!  

We have no idea how long this move will be, and mom really doesn't know what the court wants from her in order to get them back!  We are only two months away from trial which will have been 18 months since the children were removed.  We need some serious intervention.

Broken System

What a day...Little Bit is scheduled to return home tomorrow evening.  It's been a question all week as to whether or not it would happen because the facility that the court is requiring mom to stay in for a while longer will not allow her to have all three kids.  It is just against fire code to have that many people in the small space she has!

So, we had to wait until their weekly court hearing today to find out what was going to happen!  Let me just say it did not go the way we had hoped or even considered!

Not only is Little Bit not going home tomorrow, he is being moved to ANOTHER foster home along with Big Brother and Baby Sister who will be removed from daycare tomorrow!!  Apparently, I have no say in this.  Because of the discharge orders on Big Brother, he is not allowed to return to our home.  Naturally, they want to keep all the kids together.  So, they are just going to take our sweet, happy baby tomorrow and put him in a completely new place!

I am absolutely livid!  I am stunned, and mom is beside herself!  Dad has to report to jail next week for a 3-day stay because he lied to the court about driving without a license - a month ago.  Mom will also be required to report to jail next week because she "misused" court-appointed money to pay for a ride to Wal-mart late one night and for another absolutely absurd reason that I shouldn't write about because it is too personal, but it is no business of the court!

Is it normal practice for a court to remove a person's children from their home because they told a white lie?  I know it's wrong, but shouldn't they be fined or privildges be removed?  How is this even legal?  Even CPS disagrees.

So, tomorrow, Little Bit will leave, and I will become mom's advocate!  I've already emailed the judge a plea for leniency!  I will be in their court proceedings fighting for these children to be back with the parents who love them!  What else can I do?

(posted a day late due to info that everyone is not yet privy to - just in case)

Almost Home

I just put Little Bit in the car with the transporter for his last "test" weekend with mom.  Next weekend, it happens for real!  I feel emotional about whether or not I will be emotional!?!  What in the world?  Sometimes I'm teary-eyed at the thought of sending "my baby" back home.  Other times, I'm worried that I won't cry when he leaves. 

We didn't start this journey to grow our family.  So, we have never looked at the boys as our own.  They have always been someone else's, but we have loved them like they were our own! 

While I am looking forward to having a clean house, completing chores, and having time to myself, I am going to miss bedtime stories, kissing boo-boos and little laughs that melt my heart.  I am thankful that I will be able to keep up with them when they leave, but it isn't the same.  Now, I have to trust that God will care for them.  I will be praying for their safety and comfort from a distance.  I will not be able to kiss them good night, but they really are only a phone call away.

I will enjoy this weekend, but I just don't know what next week will hold.  To be honest, I'm still not completely convinced the court will send him back yet, but I'm moving forward with what I've been told. 

Little Bit, "The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace."  Numbers 6:24-26

Potty Training

Does anyone actually like potty training?  I have been parenting for 15 years, and I still say it is the most difficult thing I have done as a parent!  I thought I was so good at parenting until I had to potty train.  Anyway, I'm at it again!  I knew I would have to do it at some point, but I put it off as long as possible! It turns out that wasn't such a bad thing!

Little Bit has been interested in potty training for about 6 months, but I have just hand my hands too full to add this to it!  I really wanted to send him back home already trained to make it easier and less expensive for bio mom.  So, I waited until Big Brother started weekend visits and I had Little Bit alone. 

It only took an hour or two of running around naked for him to figure out the feeling and to be able to tell me he needed to go.  Since then, he has been a rock star!! I cannot believe how well he is doing!  He wears "big boy" underwear at home and sometimes when we are out, but he still wears pull-ups to school and church because he does not want to poop in the potty.  He says it's scary!  I really don't understand why it is scary, but I know this is normal and remember this with all of my other children!  But guess what, he did it today because I told him he could have m&m's.  It took him 5 seconds to change his mind and get it done!

So, I'm hoping we are about to make it through potty training and be done! It's only been 2 weeks!  I am very happy that he will be able to go home at least mostly potty trained.  It will make it so much easier on mom and dad! 

Big Brother Returns Home

Big brother has been staying with mom the past two weekends, and it has been great!  We enjoyed some quieter times with just the little one, and big brother loved being with his mommy and daddy.

Both nights he returned home were a little emotional.  He would lay his head in his hands and weep saying, "I miss the other mommy and daddy."  But, he almost seemed shameful about it because he was so happy to be back home with us too!  It has been difficult to see his little heart torn between two families whom he loves very much.  However, each time I have told him how great it is that he misses the other mommy and daddy because that is who he should be with!  I have reassured him that we all love him so much but that the other mommy and daddy loved him first and that they have worked so hard this year to get better so he could come home.  He shakes his head in agreement and feels a little better.

He also kept telling me that he wanted us all to see each other...."I want Thomas, Mary Frances, Chase, the last daddy, and you to come to my new house." and "I want the other mommy and daddy to come to this house." and "I want you to keep seeing the other mommy and daddy."  It is obvious that his main concern is that he may go back and never see us again. 

So, yesterday was the big day!  I had already sent most of his belongings home over the past two weekends because he has accumulated A LOT since arriving in our home 336 days ago!  We've been talking about it here and there for two weeks.  The bigs kids gradually said their goodbyes since they would not see him before they left early for school.  We took Shamrock sugar cookies to school so he could celebrate with all of his friends, who were so sweet to him!  His teachers gave him big hugs and told them to come and visit.  I washed his bedding that he got at Christmas to take home with him and packed up the last of his clothes.  Our CPS worker (who is AMAZING) arrived at 2:00 to pick up both boys for their regular visit.  Only little brother would be returning later.  My mom came over to say goodbye (and to be moral support for me).  We gave big kisses and said "I'll see you on Wednesday!"  (He has a psychiatrist appointment tfor diagnosis and possible medication for treatment, and the ad litem asked me to attend).  He said goodbye, and they were off!  I told my mom I couldn't watch as they left.  That would just make me too sad!

My husband is overseas for two weeks - not the best timing for a child to leave! My mom stayed with me for a while to be sure I was okay, but I never got upset!  I told her I was fine and would probably have a good cry later, but I never did!  I wondered if something was wrong with me.  A child I have loved for almost a year has just left my home for good!  How could I not be upset?  Then, I reminded myself that there was just no reason to be upset.  We opened our home to him so he would have a safe place to stay and be loved while his parents were recovering.  He blossomed while he was here.  He has done great in school.  He sleeps peacefully through the night now and wakes in the morning with a joyful heart!  He has been prayed for my too many people to count.  His parents love him and can now provide him with a safe place to stay.  They have healed in many different ways and are prepared to be better parents.  AND...we get to continue a relatipnship with him!  What about that is sad? 

I'm sure I will have my moments, but this is definitely not what I expected!  I'm still waiting for the floodgates to open, but I am not as convinced that they will.  This is good.  This is really good!  We have all accomplished a major feat for the benefit of everyone involved!  That is something to shed joyful tears over!  Go and do big things Big Brother!  We are all behind you!

Weekend Visits

It worked!  Big brother starts weekend visits with his mom in one week!  I am so excited for him.  He wants to be home with his mommy and daddy very badly!  He loves our family very much, but even after almost a year, he still identifies "the other mommy and daddy" as the real deal, as he should.

My body literally shook for two days as I waited to hear what happened in court when the discharge papers were announced.  The ad litem said he would begin transitioning, and everyone finally agreed!

I felt like we were playing Russian roulette with this little life, but we had to push this along!  The courts have just taken too long!  If the parents had not moved their case into "drug court" they would already have the kids back because they had already fulfilled the requirements for CPS.

Anyway, it is over now!  It worked, and he is going home within a month!  Hallelujah!  He needs to be home and I desperately need a break!

Little brother will begin weekend visits two weeks after Big Brother returns!  It's going to be an interesting ride, but we are ready!

Discharge Papers

I am so torn this morning.  This past month has been very difficult.  I am having a very hard time with the four year old's behavior, and I don't know if he is really getting worse or I am just fed up with it.  He is only four, but it seems like the whole family is walking around on egg shells trying to avoid a confrontation with him.  He gets mad if someone tries to play with him at a time he doesn't want to play, if a different person gives him juice than the one he asked, if we take away a toy because he hit someone or threw it after we told him not to.  He's very testy and it is difficult to tell how he will respond sometimes. 

I feel like he needs us because we have given him a stable, loving environment for ten and a half months now.  He feels safe.  He is a perfect student at school, but he starts his screaming and fussing in the parking lot outside of the school.  I just don't know how much more I can take.  It is so sad to admit, but I look forward to him going to school, going to visits, or going to bed every day.  Like...I count the time between each.  I feel like I just get little breaks while he is in those places from the craziness. 

He has such a sweet heart, and I know he wants to please us, but I feel like I am being beat up every day.  Our agency says it is time to turn in discharge papers on him.  They are setting a 30 day time for him to find another home.  I am distraught and relieved at the same time.  My own children are going through so much right now and need more of my attention.  I am busting my butt to give everyone what they need, and I am spent. 

The thing is that the boys should have been back with their mom months ago!  They told me at the beginning of August, when her case was moved from just CPS court to Drug Court (FIC Court), that the boys would be going home in 30-60 days.  It is almost the middle of February now!  A few weeks ago, I was told that they finally approved weekend visits and now they are pulling back on that!

The people in charge of this case (and there are a lot of them) are just being too unreasonable.  I realize I don't know everything, but I know a lot because of my relationship with the parents.  She has worked it out to stay with her mother and grandad in a home that is big enough for the family.  It is not a permanent situation because she doesn't want to stay there, but it works for the time being.  As she said, she is "legally married to the biological father of the children who wants to help" and yet the court is requiring her to move back into "a more controlled enviornment" at the rehab facility so they can watch her with the kids better.  The first problem with that is the dad is not allowed on that property!  She won't have access to a car or qulaity childcare there, either.  She would have to ride public transportation with an overactive four year old, a two year old, and an eight month old!  Where is the sense in that?

I do not want our boy to go to another home!  I want him to go HOME to his mommy and daddy, but the court is just dragging it out for some reason.  She has been clean for 10 months, has completed recovery and is ready to be reintroduced to life with her boys.  Dad has been clean for 8 months and has almost finished his services.  What is the deal?

So, now I am stuck in a very difficult place.  If the courts do not let this child go back home in the next month, CPS will move him to another home.  It will not be good for him, but it is not good for the other 6 people in our house for him to be here!  How do you reconcile this?  My heart is a mess this morning.  On top of all these feelings, I have to call the mom this morning and tell her what is happening before she hears it in court this afternoon!  How do I tell her I am giving up her child?  How can I give up a child?  What kind of person does that make me?